Contact:
Pamela Jacobs, CEO
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (NRCDV)
communications@nrcdv.org | www.nrcdv.org
A Survivor’s Actions Do Not Disprove Abuse: NRCDV Responds to Rep. Max Miller’s Remarks
The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (NRCDV) is deeply concerned by Rep. Max Miller’s public remarks suggesting that his former wife’s offer to cook dinner after an alleged assault calls her allegations into question.
Miller has denied the allegations against him, and NRCDV does not determine the facts of individual cases. We must, however, challenge a dangerous and persistent misconception: a survivor’s continued contact with an abusive partner — including sharing a meal, communicating, returning home, or remaining in the relationship — does not establish that abuse did not occur.
Domestic violence is not defined by a survivor’s response to a particular incident. It is often part of a broader pattern of coercive behavior used to exert power and control. Survivors respond to these circumstances in many different ways and frequently make calculated choices intended to reduce immediate danger, protect their children, preserve housing or financial stability, or prevent further escalation.
“Survivors do not always have the freedom to respond in ways that outsiders expect,” said Ivonne Ortiz, NRCDV Vice President of Capacity Building and Awareness. “An everyday act such as preparing a meal may be a carefully considered safety strategy. It should never be treated as evidence that violence did not occur.”
Intimate partner violence is a widespread public health and safety crisis. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly 1 in 3 women and about 1 in 8 men have experienced sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetimes and reported at least one related impact. Those impacts may include physical injury, concern for personal safety, missed work or school, the need for medical care, or contact with law enforcement.
The consequences extend far beyond an individual incident. The CDC estimates the lifetime economic burden of intimate partner violence in the United States at $3.6 trillion, including medical expenses, lost productivity, and criminal-justice costs.
“Public figures have a responsibility to speak about domestic violence with care,” said Pamela Jacobs, NRCDV CEO. “Suggesting that a survivor’s ordinary behavior disproves abuse reinforces myths that discourage people from seeking help and make it harder for survivors to be believed. We can respect due process without relying on misconceptions about how a ‘real’ survivor is supposed to behave.”
Domestic violence affects people of every income level, community, and political affiliation. Responding effectively requires listening without judgment, examining the full context of a relationship, and recognizing that there is no single way a survivor will respond to danger.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, confidential assistance is available 24 hours a day through the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or visit thehotline.org.
For information about NRCDV’s work to prevent and end domestic violence, visit www.nrcdv.org.
About NRCDV
The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence strengthens the capacity of individuals, organizations, and communities working to prevent and respond to domestic violence. NRCDV provides comprehensive technical assistance, training, resources, and policy-informed analysis to advance survivor-centered and equitable approaches to ending domestic violence.
